It has been yet another long sabbatical, but I’m still here. So many things have happened in the last year that I’m not sure if I’m quite the same person.
Not very long after my last post my unrequited love was realized and for the next six months I felt like the happiest person on the planet. It made it bearable when I had a fight with my mother and had to move out last November. He was really good to me and I do not know how I would have made it without him. I guess it was not meant to be though, because we broke up in January. Not too long after that I lost my job and had trouble finding another one. I worked for a temporary employment agency throughout the summer, but there were a lot gaps between paychecks.
It was really rough living on my own without much money, and being so lonely. I was used to a house full of people, with my brothers, family, and friends there all the time. I missed that a lot. I am good with money and can make it stretch pretty far, but sometimes there wasn’t anything left to stretch.
I am pulling back out of the rut now. I started a new job a little over a month ago and I am just finishing training this week. I will be in customer service taking technical support calls for a cable company. The starting pay is above average for the skill level for this area, so I’m feeling very positive about it. I’m still lonely, and I still miss him, but I think I will be OK now. I am starting to feel like I can live each day for what it is instead of just hoping for tomorrow.
The color of the sky on a clear summer day,
The sun shines and the breeze steals your heart away.
So deep and pure and bright is this blue,
It laughs, it cries, and I know every word is true.
I want to change every other blue I see,
To match that hue so perfectly.
It follows me throughout the day and haunts me.
It taunts and comforts my dreams constantly.
I wake to the leather and smoke of his scent.
The memories are almost a torment.
My love begins where it dies,
In the clear blue of his eyes.
Does it take more courage to live your dreams, or to let them die?
Lately I have been very stressed and depressed. I want to be done with school, but at the same time I think that I am afraid that I will be. I have always loved music and wanted to do something in music, but somewhere along the way I was convinced that it would not be a viable career option. My current major if accounting, which I sort of enjoy because I can do it well, but is this what I want to do with the rest of my life? It seems like I am too far to turn back.
A friend of mine suggested that I take up a music minor, or at least signup for a voice class, but I wonder if that would only make me want more of what I cannot have. And also classes are expensive; would I be spending the money for entertainment, or would I be saving my self from a mistake? In combination with another issue I am struggling with; how long (how many things) can I deny my heart?
On a brighter note tonight is the dress rehearsal for my choir concert. I have been involved in the East Texas Community Chorus and our concert will be tomorrow night. We will be performing pieces by Bach, Handel and Charpentier. I have really enjoyed being challenged and have had a lot of fun practicing, so I am sad that it will be over, but I am really itching for perform on stage again.
My voice is back enough that I can speak again, but I still cannot sing and it is driving my crazy. I just hope that I will be able to by Monday, because I have choir practice to go to.
Between that and having lost my notebook that I have been writing in, I almost feel like I will explode from lack of creative outlet. The notebook is not as much of a loss as it could have been though. I had just finnished one and only had about six pages in the new one before I missplaced it, so it will not be too much of a setback if I have to start it over.
I can hardly believe that I finished a sewing a dress today, usually I get bored or frustrated and put it down for a while, but I really need to get more finished now that Gulf Wars is appoaching fast. Though I do have all the garb that I threw together frantically for last year, it was hardly enough, and I would nather not have to wash anything in the tub and hang it to dry this year. I had a blast last year and I am really looking forward to escaping from reallity for an entire week.
I managed to survive university last semester, but it was not easy. So this time around I am taking a lighter load, though just being finished with my math courses should make it much easier.
I have been playing in the SCA for a little over a year now, and I have finally decided on a persona. I am called Roesia Sorweles, and I am Norman from the late 1200’s. Some people have created for their persona a very elaborate story that includes where they were born, who their parents were, what their occupation was, etc. So far, I only have a name, and it is not even registered yet. (We register our name in the SCA so it can be checked for historical accuracy and so that two people do not use the same one.) I have already managed to get myself in over my head (I tend to leap before I look) by becoming the treasurer for our local group. It is not a hard job, but the responsibility is scary.
I am sick and have lost my voice, and that really annoys me. Especially since I need to answer the phone at work. I cannot talk with my friends properly, and the worst is that I am not able to sing. It was the bad this morning, but I think it might be coming back. Other than the occasional cough I feel fine, so I am hoping that it will be at least mostly back tomorrow.
Just thought I would let anyone that cares to know that I am still among the living, but I am not very good at posting as frequently as I ever intend to.
This semester at university has been a bit tough, because I am taking five coarses, two of which are math. I did not really want to take two math at the Just thought I would let anyone that cares to know that I am still among the living, but I am not very good at posting as frequently as I ever intend to.
This semester at university has been a bit tough, because I am taking five courses, two of which are math. I did not really want to take two math classes at the same time, but with my work schedule, I was pressed to take whatever was available when I would be. It is not much good though dwelling on this semester now that it is nearly over. I find myself wondering where it went.
I have been having a lot of fun in the S.C.A. (A medieval historical recreation group.) It is really helping me meet new people and get over being so very shy. I have found that it is not quite as difficult to talk to someone when you know that you already have a common ground. My main focus right now (when I have time) is researching period music composition, but it will be a long time I can compose my own. In the meantime, I am learning the few period songs I have found, and some period style songs that others in the society have written. I have always had a great love for music and performance, but after high school (I was in choir) I did not think that I would have an outlet for it again. There is a plethora of other things that I am interested in as well, such as: embroidery, black-work, costuming, weaving, spinning, court dancing, archery, sword fighting, cooking… and the list goes on. What I like most about the SCA though is that the ideals of honor, chivalry, and courtesy are very much alive.
I have found a very interesting website, LibriVox. From there you can download books that are in public domain, that have been recorded by volunteers. There is a good variety of book, including poetry and short stories. I have already downloaded a few myself, and am thinking of volunteering.
I would like to say that I have not posted in so long because I have just been too busy, but that is not the case. Sometimes I forget, and sometimes I find myself feeling too lazy for the effort. To bring my blog up to date:
I finished my first year at University; it ended rather well and I am taking a much needed break for the summer.
I had my 21st birthday in the middle of March. It feels rather strange to think that I am that old already.
Just over the last month, I have taken up my writing again. I think that being out of school has helped clear my mind and allowed my creativity some breathing room. I have been trying to get out of the house more to find quiet places to write where I will not be interrupted. At first, I did not really tell anyone where I was going, because they would ask why, and at this point I like to keep my writing private. My mother was then convinced that I was secretly seeing a boyfriend, which I would find humorous if it did not make her worry why I did not want her to meet him. Since then I have been careful to tell her at least a vague idea of where I might be going.
I just finished reading Jane Austen’s Persuasion, and I find that I really enjoyed it. After reading Pride and Prejudice, and Sense and Sensibility, parts of it were more predictable than I would have liked, but I love the language the book is written in and all the intricacies of the society.
I checked my alternate e-mail account and realized I missed this year's WISE. It is a bit of a disappointment because I do really enjoy books, but it will teach me to keep up with things better.
I know that much more has happened since December, but I cannot bring it to mind just now. I will try to remember to make another post if anything does.
Christmas with my family is never dull, but this year our activities not planned. My dad, my brother, and I were going to my grandparents' house, which is in the country. A bit less than a mile down the road from there one of us, I do not remember who, saw that the woods were on fire. My dad stopped on the side of the road and called my grandmother on his cell. She called the fire department, the forestry service. My uncle showed up five minutes later with my cousins and enough shovels and rakes to go around. We split in groups and set to work. When we got there the burn area was about 50 yards wide and 60 long (about 46 X 55 meters). On one side it was only about 30 yards (27 meters) from a house. I was working on that side using my shovel to rake away leaves and pine needles, and tamp out some of the smaller flames, when a big gust of wind fanned the flames and it leapt up to almost waist high, but at about the same time the fire department showed up and hosed down the area. We still had plenty of work to do though because the truck could not reach the areas farther back in the woods. We got that side under control, but the other went down into a thicket where we could not go. We pulled out when we had done all we could and shortly after the forest service showed up with a bulldozer and made a seven foot (2 meters) fire lane around it. We went back to my grandparents' house and commenced with the usual holiday stuff, and at dinner my dad and uncle told stories about when they were in the volunteer fire department during high school.