It has been yet another long sabbatical, but I’m still here. So many things have happened in the last year that I’m not sure if I’m quite the same person.
Not very long after my last post my unrequited love was realized and for the next six months I felt like the happiest person on the planet. It made it bearable when I had a fight with my mother and had to move out last November. He was really good to me and I do not know how I would have made it without him. I guess it was not meant to be though, because we broke up in January. Not too long after that I lost my job and had trouble finding another one. I worked for a temporary employment agency throughout the summer, but there were a lot gaps between paychecks.
It was really rough living on my own without much money, and being so lonely. I was used to a house full of people, with my brothers, family, and friends there all the time. I missed that a lot. I am good with money and can make it stretch pretty far, but sometimes there wasn’t anything left to stretch.
I am pulling back out of the rut now. I started a new job a little over a month ago and I am just finishing training this week. I will be in customer service taking technical support calls for a cable company. The starting pay is above average for the skill level for this area, so I’m feeling very positive about it. I’m still lonely, and I still miss him, but I think I will be OK now. I am starting to feel like I can live each day for what it is instead of just hoping for tomorrow.
The color of the sky on a clear summer day,
The sun shines and the breeze steals your heart away.
So deep and pure and bright is this blue,
It laughs, it cries, and I know every word is true.
I want to change every other blue I see,
To match that hue so perfectly.
It follows me throughout the day and haunts me.
It taunts and comforts my dreams constantly.
I wake to the leather and smoke of his scent.
The memories are almost a torment.
My love begins where it dies,
In the clear blue of his eyes.